


No Shit, Sherlock

by ZevakRitpel



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: :3c, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Detectives, F/F, M/M, Mystery, Private Investigators, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, or at least there will be..., technically PI au but they didn't really give me that option lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9513221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZevakRitpel/pseuds/ZevakRitpel
Summary: Private Investigator AU. Criminal Underground AU.Local Inquiry Agents Himuro Tatsuya, Aida Riko, and Kagami Taiga learn the hard way just how interconnected an adultery case, the search for a ghost-man, a lunch date with a paralegal, and the daytime activities of a local gambling operation can really be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The self indulgent PI AU no one asked for...
> 
> To be honest, this isn't meant to be an accurate portrayal of private investigation firms or anything else for that matter.  
> BUT I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE FUN WITH IT REGARDLESS T_T. At the very least I had fun writing it... 
> 
> is it poor AO3 etiquette to have two WIPs at once? I'm not sure, but I have been working on this for a while and wanted to post at least this chapter to test the waters.
> 
> Although I would love to make this a longer running thing, I only planned out 3 chapters worth of material for this fic. We'll see how I feel and how you all feel about it as well haha <3

**[Wednesday. 10:16. Tip Off]**

On a particularly sketchy street not too far from the red light district, nestled between an abandoned hair salon decorated in explicit graffiti, and a tea shop that is almost surely a front for an illegal mahjong parlour, there lies a tiny, rundown building upon whose dusty brick entrance a sign reads in bold black letters: 'Garcia Investigations Inc.'

Should someone feel inclined, on this humid Wednesday morning, to venture through the partially shattered glass doors of this building and pass through the lobby that smells faintly of dust and tobacco, there is a high probability of hearing a powerful voice echo from the top of the nearest stairwell:

"WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS ??!??"

A  question commonly heard in or around the second floor office of Garcia Investigations Inc., most often asked in the hysterically desperate tones of rookie private investigator Kagami Taiga. Although he's only been out of college for barely a year, the young Kagami already has his work cut out for him as he tries, fruitlessly, to get his boss to _put some **fucking pants on during working hours, please.**_

"Ehhh, what's the problem, Taiga..."

"Shut up! You exhibitionist boss! PERVERT-BOSS!!"

The exhibitionist boss in question is none other than Alexandra 'Alex' Garcia: former member of the US special services, current head and founder of this small-time Japan-based private investigation firm. (Some stuff happened, it's a long story...)

Presently, the highly trained combatant is sitting cross-legged in a rotating office chair, sporting nothing but a pair of black boxer shorts and a _rather_ charming bra. Her desk, stationed at the back centre of the room, is covered in a mess  of paperwork, on top of which Alex has laid out a breakfast of champions: rum raisin ice cream, straight out of the carton.

Alex waves her spoon dismissively at her youngest and newest employee, unconcerned by his scolding.

"Ahhh, I just stayed in the office overnight, so I thought I might as well get comfortable, since the A/C is still messed up. No need to worry, hehe."

"What are you going to do if a client walks in????"  Kagami snaps, shutting the wooden door behind him and striding forward to throw his own bomber jacket at Alex's blonde head. Several loose papers float off her messy desk in the process; he stoops to pick them up.

"Hah. No worries there," Alex laughs dryly, adjusting her glasses before grudgingly pulling an arm through the sleeve of Kagami's jacket.

"It's not like anyone ever comes in, anyways..."

"That's not true! Should the boss really be saying that..."

"Can you two maybe be quiet for a second?"

This last quip comes from the desk at the left side of the room, right next to a window overlooking the dingy street below. The source is Kagami's senpai and Alex's second most recent hire: Aida Riko, who holds a hand over the mouthpiece of her desk phone, flashing a warning glare at the noisy Kagami-Alex duo before returning to her call. As the talks into the receiver, she absently fiddles with the hair clips that keep her light brown bangs in place.

"Sorry about that, Teppei. Uh-huh. Okay. No, no worries. Okay. Yeah, I'll see you then."

She sets the handset down with a clunk.

"Was that Kiyoshi-san?" Kagami asks, slipping his enormous backpack off his shoulder and opening it to reveal about ten clothbound lunchboxes. He pulls one out and places it one on the edge of his boss's messy desk.

Riko nods, bending her fingers against each other until they crack under pressure.

"Yeah, he wants me to come in for a consultation tonight."

"Hmmm, another cry for help from the fine civil servants of the metropolitan police department? Leave it to old Kagetora's prodigy offspring to have such a good handle on law enforcement." Alex grins, unwrapping the neatly packaged meal--oooh, gyoza!

Kagami makes his way to the backroom, where he (somehow) manages to stuff the remainder of the lunchboxes into a fridge that wasn't designed for the needs to Kagami Taiga. It's just for a moment, but as he passes Riko's desk on the way back, he catches her wearing a troubled expression.

 As her surname suggests, Aida Riko is the daughter of police commissioner Aida Kagetora. She was also at the top of her class in the police academy before she dropped out for "personal reasons" and decided to put her special skills to use for Alex instead. Kagami doesn't know the details, it's clear even to him that his senpai's keeping some problems to herself.

"He was ranting about the trouble they've been having with the local mafia. Apparently there's been some violence involving illegal gambling operations."

At the words 'local gambling operations', all three private investigators glance out the window, in the direction of the neighbouring "tea shop". Hmmmmm........

Nah.....surely not....

Alex turns back to her desk, stuffing a dumpling into her mouth and rummaging through her endless paper disaster, pulling out a single flyer from the wreckage at last.

"In that case, all three of you still have time to help me with this job today, right, Tatsuya?"

She directs the question at the newly arrived Himuro Tatsuya, who pushes through the doorway with a folder tucked under one arm. As the very first member to be recruited into Alex's limited staff of three, Himuro nods a greeting at his two kouhai, then procures a photograph from the folder, holding it up between two fingers.

"Wrong, Alex," he begins, his voice betraying the faint hint of amusement.

"I've got some developments on A-san's request; it seems like she really did have reason to be worried about her husband's daytime activities."

"Oooooooh"

Alex and Kagami move in for a closer look at the photograph, which depicts a man --presumably A-san's husband-- entering the back of a hotel building with a young woman --definitely _not_ A-san-- clinging to his arm.

"I talked to one of the girl's who works at the place, seems like this guy's quite the regular. He's already made an appointment for noon today, but to avoid the 'business meeting' excuse, I thought I'd go get some more ...concrete evidence."

Alex whistles and steps over her desk to give Himuro a congratulatory slap on the arm, then snatches the photo from his fingers.

"Damn, another cheating spouse about to meet his fate. Good luck, Tatsuya."

"Why _does_ Tatsuya always get the adultery jobs?"

Alex snorts, throwing her hands up in an exaggerated half-shrug and sitting back comfortably in her chair, flapping the photo like a fan.

"Ya see, in cases where there's a certain degree of...appeal required, and you're trying to dig for information, sometimes you've got to use the right 'techniques'. And frankly Tatsuya is the only one of you that can pull that off. Just look at his face, it practically screams gigolo. A total lady killer--ah, no, that destructive charm isn't limited to women....more like a _heartbreaker_ " she explains with a wink.

Her words deliver dual blows: Himuro struggles to find an expression that matches his feelings towards such backhanded praise, while Riko, surrounded by a dark aura, grinds her forehead into her desk muttering "sorry I don't have any appeal _I guess_ , we can't all be born dark haired beauties...."

Kagami, who alone remains unaffected, just nods as if he understands the explanation.

As she takes another look at the photo, Alex's blue eyes narrow suddenly.

"Huh. This place is nearby, Tatsuya?"

"Ah..yeah. A few streets over..."

"Hmmm...so things might turn out a little messier than they need to be...well, whatever. At least Riko and Taiga can help me!"

She holds up an 8x11 poster featuring the picture of a puppy, and points at it emphatically.

"Someone has reported this missing dog, and we as private investigators cannot let this case go unsolved!" she states, perhaps unconsciously tapping the part that says "Reward: ¥30 000" with the tip of her finger.

"So first we're gonna-"

"Huh!? No, I have to meet someone in a couple hours."

It's subtle, but both Himuro and Riko freeze at Kagami's words, their ears tuned in anticipation. Alex just blinks in surprise, apparently incredulous that not one, not two, but all three of her employees are busy with actual work today.

"Eeeeeehhhh? Who?"

" It's a lunch meeting with a paralegal from my old man's law firm. Remember that whole subpoena business a few weeks back?"

"This 'paralegal' of which you speak..." Riko starts, getting up from her desk, brown eyes squinting.

"...Wouldn't happen to be _that_ Kise Ryouta, would it?" Himuro finishes, watching Kagami intently.

"?? Yeah, he's the one."

There it is.

Riko and Himuro exchange a brief, knowing glance. Riko jerks her head to the side; Himuro blinks twice (he could also be winking, it's difficult to tell with the fringe over his left eye) then, after a brief pause, clears his throat.

"Uhhh, Taiga, you realize his goal here probably isn't...work related...."

You can practically see the question marks in Kagami's eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Riko has to close her eyes and pinch the bridge of her nose, letting out a long sigh. She leans her hand against her desk, trying to gather her patience.

Is he an idiot? IS HE AN IDIOT? Just how dense....

"You delivered that subpoena for them like, three weeks ago, yeah?"

"Yeah?"

"And this is, what? The third time he's asked you out."

"Fourth. Should I not be keeping up good relations...?"

"Right, _relations_. Do you seriously not get that he's hitting on y-"

"Okay, but," Alex interjects, voice muffled by the food in her mouth. She finishes chewing and swallows before continuing:

"Now that I think about it, you can all still spare a couple hours to look for this 30 000-- I mean this dog, there's nothing so pressing that it can't wait-"

Knock knock.

...................................

"Come in!" Alex chimes, pointedly avoiding Kagami's indignant glare ("no clients today" his _ass_ ), and thus the door to the office creaks open.

"Oh my!" Alex stands up to greet  the newcomer: a young woman about Taiga's age, and about a foot less than him in height. A rare beauty, dressed in a simple navy blue skirt with a hoodie on top. Casual, yet elegant...

 Her heels quietly click against the linoleum floor as she enters the office.

"To think such an exquisite kitten would wander through our doors. Welcome~" Alex practically purs, her hands clasped together with delight.

"Stay back, Pervert-boss" Kagami growls, apparently (justifiably) still bitter about the pantsless thing.

"E-eh, is that really what you're going to call me from now on...ehh?"

"He's right, you mustn't scare off the client, _pervy_ -boss ^_^" adds Himuro as he pulls up a chair and offers the client a seat.

"YOU TOO, TATSUYA????"

"Try and keep it together, perv-boss" Riko throws in the final strike as she disappears into the backroom.

"Alright, you three just keep shortening it, that's fine..." Alex laughs, sitting back down with one leg crossed over the other and her hands clasped on the top of her desk. She flashes a wide smile at the now-seated client, _almost_ looking like the professional she is (save for her whole shorts-and-oversized-jacket outfit...but the client looks unperturbed, so it's fine, isn't it?).

"In any case, welcome. My name is Alex, and these three are my lovely subordinates: Himuro Tatsuya, Kagami Taiga, and,"

"Aida Riko"

Riko bows her head in greeting, returning to the main office with a tray in her hands.

"Would you like some tea, uh..?"

"Ah, sorry, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Momoi Satsuki," the woman says, graciously accepting a cup from the tray with a soft grin. Her gaze lingers on Riko a few moments too long. There is something dangerously alluring about this look, and Riko finds herself turning away quickly, before the rising heat in her cheeks betrays her. She sets the tray down a little too hard on the end of Alex's desk.

What the hell? What's with this woman...

"So, Momoi-san, what can we help you with today?"

"Ahh, that..." she hesitates, shifting her peachy-pink eyes to the side. She purses her lips into a perfect pout to blow at her tea while she contemplates.

"I'm looking for....a man."

"Aren't we all.." Himuro says under his breath; Alex chokes on her own tea.

"What, like a stalker?" Kagami asks bluntly, inciting Riko to smack him on the back of the head.

"Sorry about them, Momoi-san. Please, go on."

The client fidgets, twisting the fingers of her free hand through the locks of her long, rose-coloured hair, looking for all the world like a bashful schoolgirl in love. Even Riko's discerning eyes cannot tell if this is sincere or just an act.

"He saved my life the other day, and all this time I've been wanting to thank him. But I can't find him anywhere, and as I was walking I saw the sign up front, so I..."

Riko nods and pulls a pen and notebook out of her back pocket, clicking the pen open ready to write.

"Alright, typically this kind of thing should take us a week. We charge a flat fee of ¥80 000, plus any additional costs. And we'll need you to sign a form to make sure nothing illega-"

Without acknowledging any of Riko's spiel, Momoi proceeds to slide her small pale hand into her purse, pulls out a white envelope and slides it over to Alex.

"I hope that's enough. It would be ideal if someone could go along with me when I go to look for him..."

A brief pause.

"As soon as possible."

" _Is she trying to pick a fight with me?! Does"_ Riko asks Himuro silently, baring her teeth into an obviously forced smile.

Himuro raises his palms in a calming motion: " _Now, now._ "

Alex peeks into the envelope, pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose so the light glints off of them, her expression inscrutable.

After a few seconds of silence, she tucks the cash payment into the pocket of Kagami's jacket and nods in an uncharacteristically solemn manner.

"I understand. Thank you Momoi-san, we accept your request."

WHAT?

"If you could just--ah, forgive me, just one second...."

Alex swiftly reads and responds to an ill-timed message, cursing in her mother tongue under her breath. She then stands up abruptly, clapping her hands together apologetically.  

"I'm so sorry Momoi-san, I've got some serious business to attend to. Right now. Quite sudden. So I'll accept this," she waves the envelope, "and I'll leave the rest to my lovely subordinates here."

With the kind of speed expected of a trained combatant, Alex stuffs the envelope into the pocket of Kagami's bomber jacket, grabs the lost dog poster, winks at Momoi, and vanishes out of the room before Himuro can so much as call out a "don't get arrested for public indecency, Alex~".

There is an awkward pause in which Momoi smiles expectantly at the three remaining private investigators.

Riko massages her temples with her forefingers, wondering how the fuck Alex expects them to deal with this troublesome client when they've all got work to do today. It's annoying, but exactly how badly did Alex not want to deal with this...

Pat.

Huh?

Riko turns her head to see Himuro gently tapping his hand against her shoulder consolingly.

"Well, since I've got to stake out that hotel ahead of time..."

Wait.

Kagami bows respectfully. He doesn't bother to think up an excuse.

No, hold on.

"Have fun, Riko <3"

"Good luck, coach."

"Wh- YOU TWO DON'T HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE FOR HOURS-"

The door slams shut.

Riko sits down, trying to process what just happened.

Momoi's smile widens.

 

**[Wednesday. 12:46. One-One.]**

"Sorry I'm late!"

Kise looks up from his phone to meet the deep red eyes of Kagami Taiga. He looks a little short of breath, and his cheeks are slightly flushed. Did he rush to get here on time...?

How cute.

"No worries, Kagamicchi, I just got here!" Kise lies, tucking his hands behind his back and sidling up next to the investigator. He takes this opportunity to sneak a sidelong glance at his lunch date: deliciously tall and broad-shouldered, and (hnnnn) he's dressed more casually than usual today. A black v-neck, what a gift...

Kise's hand twitches around his phone, but ultimately resists the urge to snap a quick photo.

"I even made you wait closer to my work..."

True, their meeting point could have been in a more savoury place than right by a shady back alley in the middle of sketch-city, but Kise's not about to let this deter him. At all.  In fact, since Kagamicchi hasn't been picking up on _any_ of Kise's signals over the past month, it's time to turn things up a notch. Let's see how much heat he can take....

"I don't mind, the place is nearby! I made a reservation for one, so we're still a little early..."

Sucking in a quick breath, he presses closer to Kagami's arm, tugging at the investigator's shirt sleeve.

"Hey listen, Kagamicchi,~" Kise murmurs  in a suddenly low, teasing tone, tilting his head to the side oh-so-coyly to flick his eyes up at that ........troubled face.

Eh?

That stricken expression, those eyes fixed on something in the distance, not looking at Kise at all. He's become tense and awkward under his touch, too...

Could it be that there was no hope from the beginning?

Worst case scenario? Isn't this...mortifying? Kise begins to pull back.

"Ah, sorry if I was too forwarmmmMPH!"

The rest of the words are cut off by Kagami slapping his own massive hand over Kise's mouth and slamming him against the nearest brick wall at the edge of the alley.

This isn't going the way Kise expected it to. Well, it is, but the order is all wrong.

"KKKKGGGMMMMM???"

"Shhhshush...shit.......that's..?!"

Kagami cranes his neck away to stare, wide-eyed, at _something_ out in the street. He's so close, Kise can feel the heat of his body, as well as the beat of his heart against his chest...or maybe that's Kise's heartbeat...

Gently pushing back the investigator's wrist off his face, Kise looks over to see what exactly Kagami is so alarmed about.

Even without his special abilities, Kise would probably be able to deduce that Kagami's looking over at the skeevy looking man in the business suit shepherding a young woman into the love hotel across the street.

"This isn't the place he was supposed to be? Wasn't it that club a few streets over? Does Tatsuya know...I have to tell Tatsuya.." Kagami fumbles around his pockets for his phone. The calls don't seem to go through, however, and he grinds his fist against the wall in frustration, evidently not realizing that he's still pinning Kise down.

"Kagamicchi...?"

Kise studies Kagami's frowning face, putting the pieces together. After a short pause, he bites his lower lip and asks:

"Hey, Kagamicchi.. How much cash do you have on you right now?" 

"Huh?"

Kise grabs the unsuspecting Kagami by the front of his shirt and pulls him down so that their eyes are level, and their lips only a few centimeters apart.

"I have an idea~"

 

**[Wednesday. 12:49. "The Zone" More Like The Danger Zone]**

Why does it always end up like this...?

One minute, Himuro is standing on the outside of a club, trying to answer a call from Taiga, and the next minute he's on the ground in the back of the building, staring at the shattered mess of his phone, with his hand crushed under the heel of a boot belonging to a rather unpleasant gangster.

Himuro can't see too well from this position, but the thug in question looks vaguely familiar. Messy, ash-coloured hair, multiple piercings in both ears, mouth twisted into a spiteful, sadistic smile.

"Listen, pretty boy, do you wanna fucking die?"

Scary.

Himuro spits out a mouthful of blood onto the pavement instead of answering.

"What the fuck were you takin' pictures of, huh? You know whose territory this is, right? Are you some kinda narc?"

Hah, how nostalgic. This is what his daily life was like before Alex picked him up a couple years ago, back when he was getting into all kinds of trouble. Looks like he'll never be able to escape that past, no matter how hard he tries.

Even now he can feel it stirring within him. Well, it's impossible to cast aside years of street fighting and sharply honed survival instincts. Moving slowly so as not to give himself away, he all-too-naturally reaches for the knife he always keeps on his body. But before he can reach it--

"AHhhAOWWFUUUUCK"

The pressure on Himuro's hand is released as the gangster staggers back.

"Sorry about my dog here. He's still untrained."

A new voice. Smooth and calm, yet still Himuro can feel goose bumps crawling up his neck at the sound. As a result, the bloodlust fades away almost as quickly as it over came him, and he forces himself to look up at the stranger...

And finds himself kneeling before an obviously dodgy character. Or rather, everything about him screams mafia:  Long, open black coat, three piece suit, dark shades, black slicked-back hair, a lit cigarette between his fingers...not to mention the sliver of inked skin on his wrist that shows when he shifts his arm up to lower his sunglasses.

He flicks his grey eyes at the place Himuro keeps his blade, then he pushes his sunglasses back up and smiles.

"And it would be a shame if someone managed to put him down before he proved useful. I hope you understand..."

He puts the smoke between his lips and extends his hand out in offering.

He smells...dangerous. Himuro glances over at the ash -haired thug that accosted him, and sees the man reeling after what was presumably a heavy blow to the head. Mr. Mafia's the type to keep a mad dog like that in line, huh...

Whatever. Himuro takes the hand without letting his hesitation show, and allows himself to be pulled up off the ground. The rings decorating the stranger's fingers are cold to the touch.

Mr. Mafia doesn't let go of Himuro's hand immediately. It's not entirely unpleasant, but the investigator seriously doesn't know what's going anymore. He can't see past the black tinted shades, but he knows he's being scrutinized closely.

"Were you here to meet someone? I feel bad, we'll have to compensate you for that."

He nods his head at the electronic carnage of what used to be Himuro's phone. Still holding onto the hand.

"No, that's fine, I couldn't possibly trouble you like that.." the investigator responds coolly, maintaining a poker face even while his every internal warning sign is going off. Whatever this guy is planning, there's no way in hell Himuro's going to let him have his way. He won't be fazed by anythi-

Before the private investigator can react, Mr. Mafia takes Himuro by the other, injured hand and raises it to his lips, kissing the scraped knuckles gently.

"Please. Let me make it up to you?"

Somewhere in the background, the ash-haired thug groans.  

 

**[Wednesday. 12:58. Does This Count As A Date?]**

This is.....

"Honestly..."

Riko's almost positive she's being fucked with. They've been wandering around for like three hours. Covered less than half the ground they apparently need to, entering through all sorts of shops, restaurants, firms, hotels, motels, back lanes, clubs, and newsstands in the goddamn area. Riko's waiting on a call from a few of her contacts, and paid out a food bribe. All to look for some guy under the vague description: "He's perfect. And he should be in this area... Small, and kind of...see-through, you know what I mean? "

Obviously Riko doesn't know what that means. What, is he a fucking phantom? Are they looking for a dead man, is that why this job is so weird and suspicious? Why else would anyone spend that much money to personally thank some rando?!

She doesn't know what the rather annoying text from Alex was supposed to mean either (" _Don't let that angel out of your sight! She's paying us a lot so just go along with her for now >.< _").

At least Momoi-san seems to be having fun.

Every once in a while, she twirls around and sticks extra close to Riko, and wraps herself around the investigator's arm. This proves to be a problem, as Riko has a difficult time ignoring the loose locks of pink hair brushing against her cheeks, and the faint, attractive smell of perfume....

It occurs to Riko that the girl clinging to her arm might feel uncomfortable in this area of the city, but every time she checks, her client's face continues to wear the same infuriatingly enigmatic smile as always.

Well, whatever. Work is work, and there's still plenty of time before Riko has to meet Teppei. Besides, despite her willfulness, Riko can't help but admit that the younger woman has a..uhh...certain charm about her.

"We've looped around, so we're almost back at the firm now. Did you want to take a break, Momoi-san?" Riko asks eventually, impressed that she had been able to keep up with her in the first place. From what Riko's discerning eyes can see, Momoi isn't particularly athletic. She must reeeeally want to meet this guy.

Momoi presses a finger to her own lips, as if in contemplation. A small gust of wind blows, throwing her long, rosy locks into disarray, momentarily obscuring her face.

"The truth is, Aida-san...."

.

.

.

To be continued...

 

**Author's Note:**

> u can't see me but i'm literally on my knees begging u for a comment


End file.
